Help I Just Broke Up!

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So, this is an open letter to newly single women. I’ve been married going on 7 years with my best friend of 13 years, just wanted you to get some perspective where this was coming from. I spend most of my social life sitting down with ladies and gentlemen alike sorting out life’s lemons and one of the most touched on topics is Dating and getting back into the game after a break up or divorce. It is easy to see the commonality among everyone going thru the same thing. So I have prepared some points you may want to consider before leaving the single life.

Kids even know not to put pieces together that don’t fit.

Sometimes things just don’t work out. In long relationships we either grow together or grow apart. If you try and force something that isn’t there, if your dying inside trying to bring life into something that burnt out long ago, your doing it wrong and thats not what good relationships are made of. On your death bed I’m sure you want no regrets and “ what if “ plaguing your mind before you head out of here. Don’t give up without a fight but know when the wars over.

Hunker Down.

If your newly divorced or single the very first thing that comes out of ones mouth is “ Im never doing this again.” A few week later, they are in another relationship and investing all of their time into a new fling. A few weeks after that, things didn’t work out and on to the next. While I understand the need to fit in and be wanted, the most important thing you have to realize about severing long term relationships is that you have just lost part of yourself. The last years has been about sharing your life with another person and now that is no longer there, and you have an emptiness you’re trying to fill with things. Stick to your 1st thought, enjoy the freedom, who knows what new life adventures you will navigate.

Self Exploration.

You are never to old for something new. Its time to fill that emptiness with some substance, play around with different hobbies, travel, read articles you have never thought to read or pick up a lost craft, find your passion. The say your passion is what your doing or dreaming about while at work. It’s never to late for now. Also, we aren’t perfect, we all have flaws deep down that we let effect us, maybe it contributed to the break up, maybe not, but we all have something that can be tweaked. Address these issues, learn to control them or get rid of them, get help if you need to and by all means don’t fish for something your want to hear when getting help for these issues. Most of the time truths are things we don’t want to hear and our bodies respond accordingly. Learn to accept criticism from those around you who love you and those who stand to gain nothing in your happiness.

 

Its not about you, your kids need you more than you know.

Just like you, your children has lost a huge part of their lives. This is not the time to neglect your children and when they don’t get that time their feelings begin to change who they are. Let them know they are loved and that none of this is their fault, try your best to explain the situation to them so that they understand. Also if its appropriate don’t bash, take the high road, while this is a sensitive subject you only get this chance once and is a great opportunity for growth and lessons alike.

Careful what you bring around your kids, they are already sponges and right now to see bad habits can do all types of damage. If your bringing guys in and out of your house, if you’re jumping from relationship to relationship, you are programming them to think this is normal. Your are going to have issues with this down the road and when you one day ask “why” they will simply say, “ because you did it”. With children our job is to not make replicas of ourselves but to make them better than what we are.

You are the very essence of life.

Ladies you are beautiful. Life itself would not exist if you didn’t. You are the bearers of artists, presidents, engineers, astronauts, freedom fighters, writers and heroes. Your very presence drives men to madness just to get you to bat an eyelid, send a text, anything. The bible says your price is beyond rubies. With that in mind you should be treated as such.

I hope this helps as you carve your path, its going to be hard work, but you got this. Keep your priorities in check and go and conquer.

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