Unspoken Words Of The Heart
By Jessica Whitelaw
What are the unspoken words of your heart? What emotions are you pressing down inside you that are anxiously calling to get out? What is holding you back? Is it a fear of being hurt again, rejection, betrayal, games, dishonesty, or past hurt still haunting you? These are the questions on my mind as I write this tonight.
I recently had a conversation with a stranger, in every sense of the word, though we do follow each other on social media. We discussed the new dynamics of the dating scene; how it draws the people who are like us, the ones who want true love and a thriving relationship where you are constantly building each other up, away; because in our experiences, when we did try to give somebody a chance because we were attracted to them, it turned out being a lot of work and all for nothing but games, lies, and unfaithfulness. We talked about how it feels like not many people have values anymore, and just want to live their life to have as much fun as possible without thinking about their dreams, their goals, or their futures.
A sense of emotional numbness can try to creep in and take you over.
When you’ve been through so much hurt and pain from someone who you were just trying to love, your heart can feel like it’s beginning to get cold, and it provides a sense of security to not open yourself up, and become a vulnerable human again. You may start to get into a routine that makes that a habit, so that you don’t have much time to reflect on the emptiness that you feel in your heart, and that loneliness that creeps into your thoughts at night as you feel the cold on the other side of the bed. The night is the only time you truly begin to feel, because you’ve made yourself so busy during the day, that your head doesn’t go there. Well, that’s until you see that happy couple smiling blissfully passing by you, and you think to yourself, maybe they’re newlyweds, or they’re happily married with kids at home. Maybe they’re just enjoying the dating phase, etc. You think to yourself how much you want that, and that you hope that you’ll find it someday; but then you reflect on your routine, and you snap back into your reality, and you think about the nonsense that you avoided not venturing into the dating scene. During this time alone, maybe you’ve focused on yourself and your life seems to be improving so much more. It is understandable that you don’t feel like you want to take the risk of messing things up for yourself by making yourself open to the possibility to be hurt again by a bad intention lover. Yet, isn’t that lonely?
Maybe you think that you’re too much to deal with.
Maybe you have children and when they are acting up, you think to yourself, “Who would want this?” Or when your children are sick and they’re up all night, and you think, “Who would actually want to deal with this?” You feel like you’re not worthy of a good person, because you have “baggage” with you, and it wouldn’t be just dating you, it would be dating you and your children, because your children are your life. That person would be accepting not only you but everything that comes along with you in a package deal.
You may be on the other side, and you want to date, and you found somebody who piqued your interest, but you’re scared to let them know how you truly feel. You may wonder to yourself if they might think that you have ulterior motives, even though your motives are pure. Maybe you see them several times a week, maybe for hours at a time, and you just wish you could have their undivided attention and tell them how you feel, and that they would just welcome you and your love with open arms, and you can ride off into the sunset together. You may have flirted and let them know that you have an interest in getting to know them, but they didn’t respond to you as you expected, or they didn’t give you a straight answer at all to your inquiry. You may begin to wonder if they even have an interest like you thought they did, and missed the awkward flirting you did with each other; but perhaps they are feeling the same way, but their fears are holding them back from becoming vulnerable, again, too, even though you have only the best of intentions.
Does the cultural differences of your new potential mate make you feel unacceptable?
Dating outside of your ethnicity for the first time can sometimes make you feel like you’re an outsider. You may not be used to the traditions that take place or the values that are held in a different culture. Depending on the situation there can be language differences or even just slang usage around their friends and family that is outside of your personal knowledge. Don’t let that scare you, it is always fun and interesting to learn new things if you look at it as personal growth. You may find that you prefer that cultures values over your own that you grew up with! If you are attracted to someone, don’t let this be a reason you don’t pursue the potential love match.
The sad fact is that we never really know where someone is emotionally unless they open up and tell you.
Some people may never make that move, and it won’t have anything to do with you as a person, but all to do with them being freshly wounded by love, or being scared of a repeat of their last attempt at it. You don’t know that person’s experiences or fears and if that is what is holding them back from you or not.
We have to learn to be okay with sometimes never getting that answer or closure that we seek out. In the meantime, though, we need to focus on how to better ourselves, so that we can be the best versions of ourselves possible. If your future goal is to be a wife, act like a wife now to prepare for that future husband, and vice versa. Don’t give up hope that your future love is out there somewhere in the world waiting on you to be the best you that you can be.
I ask again: what is holding you back?